and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you inspire me to be a worse person
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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