I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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