you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
