My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
