Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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