Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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