ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
