I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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