how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
