My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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