I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
