Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
