there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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