woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
