i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
