You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
