What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
