This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize