I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
