That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize