You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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