Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
