So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
