im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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