Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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