if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
