I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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