Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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