uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize