I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
