Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
