I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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