on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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