I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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