My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
