My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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