Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
