Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
