i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
