Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
