I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
