He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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