The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
