I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
