Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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