im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
