I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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