you guys were way drunker than both of me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
