The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
