the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
