Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
