But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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