He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
