No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
