Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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