You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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