yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
