the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
