I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
