3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
