I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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