I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
