is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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