Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
