Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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